The Harley Quinn Diaries
by AMuse9xo
Summary: This is based off the comic in the style of 'joker blogs' Iv'e decided to put out my diary entry on how my last session went with Mr J.And all I can say is I'm LoveStruck! Hey,what can I say,The guy just does it for me. Goodbye Harleen,Hello Harley...The new me! -HarleyQuinn xox


**Hey Guy's ...This is my first Fan-Fic I have ever written so i apologize for any faults. I have been wanting to write about HarleyQuinn for along time and even have been wanting to act her out into a web-series. She is my Favorite character in the world and I LOVE the joker! So this is really getting my view on them out title says it all on the way i have written it.I also will be writing previous diary entry's and continuing her penpal letters written to Mr J :) **

**Disclaimer:I don't owe any of the characters.I have put my own characteristics into Harley :) **

**Please review,I know its not perfect but your comments would really mean alot to me!(my space bar is broken so i do apologize for that)**

**Thankyou soo much 3 xxx**

Today he was telling me about when he went to the circus.

It was then in that moment when he made me laugh for the first time during a session...I tried so hard to keep it in. After all, I'm a professional, I should stay calm and-oh, but I couldn't help myself. The way he tells those ludicrous stories! You can't make stuff like that up! And then when he started acting it out! I laughed so hard I even shed a tear, no one has ever made me laugh like that before...odd that it should be from a patient. He didn't seem all that insane, just...a bit hyper.

But soon after the laughter stopped. I, Harleen Quinzel, got the Joker to open up. I did what no doctor before me could do. He revealed the story of his ex-wife and how he got his scars. I wasn't expecting that. It was so heartbreaking to hear I was so shocked I couldn't help but feel sadness for him. He did that to himself because he loved her. I kinda wish someone would love me like that. His wife didn't deserve him. I finally can say he isn't insane at all. There's a reason for why he is ...the way he is.

That's when I slipped up. "Oh pudd'n" I sighed to him. and the look he gave me. He raised his eyebrow and it sent a shiver right through me...I can't explain it. I didn't realize what I had said until...

"Exchanging pet names now are we doc? That's not very...uh... professional now is it?"

He was right. I didn't know any better .His tone was like a dad to a kid, yet I could see he found amusement in it. But his smirk. Well, that was a man to a woman and- stop, Harleen, you are a professional. You should know better than to act this way. But I couldn't help it. It just came out of me. I was hoping he didn't notice but he did. I looked away in embarrassment and tried to move on and change the subject. Like a professional should.

"Patient 44-" As I began he stopped me.

"No." he stated sharply, making me look up. "No... I think we're past that stage now Harleen"

His tone was less playful now, deep and serious fact that he called me by my first name... I knew I had lost control of the situation. He sat up and leaned in closer. I could feel those dark eyes staring at me, watching me, following my every move with an alarming intensity.

"Look at me," he ordered, and I was helpless to obey. Doing what I was told to do, I slowly faced him.

"Now if I didn't Know any better id'e say you've got a...a Little thing for me ...a little crush if you will...hm.?" every turn my head made he would copy."You know as well as I do that there's this...this...chemistry...this attraction between us...And...And it's not just physical...no it's... it's much more complicated than that. And it's been going on for...for quite some time now..." He nodded his head as his brows rose stating it as a fact. It sounds surreal but...but he was right...I couldn't believe it...he was right. As uncomfortable and uneasy as I was about the conversation I tried to maintain myself and act collected

"I don't know what you're talking about "He let out a sly unconvincing laugh

"Now don't play dumb with me." He shook his finger and adjutant got up out of the seat. "you can't fool me. I can see riiight... through you" his pronunciation turned sharper...more precise.

He knelt inwards towards me as I stayed in my chair. At this point our faces were inches apart. We had never been this close before. My heart started racing, I started to get all flustered I couldn't believe this was happening. He was on to me. My secretive feelings for the joker were out. And he knew. I made it that obvious-All because of one stupid slip. At this point we were getting way off schedule. His therapy time was way over. Yet I didn't want it to end. I could've called security but I didn't. I looked straight into his eyes and just...just got lost, I sat there frozen and listened to what he had to say

"Now see I've had my eye on you since day one." The sound of his tongue smacking against his scared, red smile alarmed me on how this conversation was going to end.

"I knew you were different...As soon as you walked past my cell I couldn't help but notice I caught your attention. And... Uh...you certainly caught mine...Uh no pun intended". As he complimented me raising his eyebrows I couldn't help but feel flattered. He was enjoying every minute of it now he was in control

"but that moment when we first looked into each other's eyes...I realised out of all the other...shrinks... you were the first who didn't look at me like a...let's see a...".He stopped as his eyes wondered puzzled trying to find the words. "A caged animal..." he frowned, and his Tongue darted out to lick his lips again. My eyes helplessly followed it. "You were the only one who didn't... runaway in fear. Then I knew I had to have you. I knew you were the only one I could... relate to..." he then had a sarcastic, puppy look on his face."Strangely romantic isn't it?" he fluttered his eyelids in a gesture way. I love that about him. How he never takes anything seriously.

" See yours is the only pretty face I had seen in a verrry long time with a smile on it...And I like that...I like that a lot... After all ...what happiness could working with psychopathic freaks and maniacs everyday bring to a person like you ?...And I thought to myself what...what is a beautiful, fresh, naive woman like that doing in a place like this" he then stood up and started to walk in slow circles behind me in my chair. Still I stayed seated.

"What made you think that?" I asked puzzled. He walked in front to face me and knelt down to my level, starring with a surprised gesture frown.

"Oh Well ...uh...in case you haven't noticed...everyone knows your uh...very, very ...attractive". He stated. Knowing what I was really asking him.

"What makes you think I'm naive?"

"Well I'm glad you asked. You see I knew there had to be a specific... reason why you came here to Arkham. You've heard the stories about me, the so called unspeakable 'crimes' I've committed. The...the number of doctors before you that went back running and screaming all the way home." He slightly chuckled "And yet here you are. Out of all the other patients and criminals in this asylum ...You ...chose me. You still went along with these so called studies and therapy sessions... You still came looking...for...me..." He pointed to himself in a flattering motion. Turns out I now was the one getting a therapy session.

"Now we both know... a girl like you wanting to treat a bad guy like me wouldn't be taken seriously, we both know that's what all of those big shots are thinking anyway... So what kind of a person would be ...so vulnerable enough to go ahead with that? ...Hmm?...What is it...are ...are you trying to prove yourself? Are you trying to impress your co-workers...Or Is it...is it for the attention?...the credit ...For your picture on the Front page of Gotham times 'Doctor Quinzell to treat the infamous joker'...Hmm? I started to get a little anxious as it seemed he started to get a little...angry. I got his point nobody is perfect—Anyway I shook my head, convincing myself it's not true

"No". Again I kept shaking my head to reassure him. His eyes widened in an intrigued, sarcastic expression. Once again he came up-close to me from behind.

"No? We'll here's the thing...I've been around long enough to know...And I can tell you, you would have been out that door... long gone by now if you didn't want something ...out of all this dedication Harleen..."As he pointed to the door he stood in front of me."Is it self-curiousness? Maybe self satisfaction perhaps?" I guess you could call that, but I didn't wanna admit it.

"No its not...It...It used to be like that but not anymore". My voice rose. I didn't want him to think that of me. I didn't want to upset him. Yes I was eager to treat him to get a good story out of it in the beginning but I don't care about that anymore. I truly believe I can help him. Then there was a long pause. I sat up forward in my chair and plucked up the courage to look at him. I needed him to believe me, I was telling the truth. Again he looked surprised. He spoke down like this was all a game.

"No? So ...so then tell me... because I want to know...why are you REALLY here? " I just glared at him. Waiting for him to do or say something. He knew I didn't want to say it out loud.

" C'mon...I... I wanna here you SAY... It." His temper grew and I could sense his impatience. I didn't want to say it. He knew the reason why. He knew I had fallen hard for him. He knew all along I would... It's so twisted but...Genius. They all warned me. They all told me he was dangerous. They all told me he would get to me if I'm not cautious ...If i don't keep my guard up. But he wouldn't hurt me. That's why I love him—I'm so mad at myself to let it get this far. I could lose my job, the only thing going for me over this. My work's the only thing I have to hang onto. Otherwise I'm...I'm nothing. " Because I hate to break it to you ...but sooner or later I won't be here...As much as I like it here I don't plan to settle down just yet...And when I'm gone ...you won't have... anyone worth your time to study now will you...All of your hard work and progress won't mean ...anything. You won't have a place anymore... So then where does that leave you?".

After that, thinking about it he made it clear. He was right. I would of been gone by now because without the joker, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have anything to show for all my work. It will all just be a waste of my time-His time. The amount of times he has got out of his cell, of course he'll find a way out again. And when he's gone, that's it for me. I'll be just like the others before me who failed. I'll have nothing. It is him. He is the reason I'm still here. I looked away and started getting nervous. He waited for an answer. But I couldn't face it.

"So uh ...what's...what's keeping you... is it...Is it my good-looks?"...His eyes wondered the room as he frowned."Uh...no...Is it...is it my smile?" He got closer to me and closer till I would answer, I just didn't want to deal with it all yet. I didn't want him to be angry with me. I felt like crying, he made me feel so guilty—Then again so I should. My first intentions were to practically use him for publicity. But that's all changed. He carried on going through list t till I answered.

"I don't... We should finish this discussion another time". I tried to get up of my seat and call it a day, till he interruptedly rushed in front of me stopped me by placing his hands on the arms either side of my chair. Refusing to let me go.

"...No ...no I think we should finish it..Right here right now...He banged his finger loudly, harshly on the armchairs."You can't leave now... We've come so far...See, I gave you all the answers you wanted...and...Now...now, I think it's your turn."

."Again he waited for answer, but i didn't budge. "So I'm going to ask you one...more...time...WHY ...are you...still here?" Still I said nothing." Now don't make me angry Harleen...You wouldn't like it when I get angry"...testing his patience, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. If he would he would of done it by now. Yeah he can come across somewhat...scary but in a weird way I felt safe around him— Anyway this was all getting too much. I just wanted to run and hide. "TELL ME" He demanded scolding in a raised voice. I looked steadily in his eyes and braced myself.

"ITS YOU" ...I said it. Tears almost running down my eyes. I told him. I finally let it out. He the joker is what's keeping me here. I didn't know what to expect from his reaction. He just stared at me intensely-Yet I couldn't help but feel like he wanted to hear it.

"Well...Look who finally opened up...Now that wasn't so hard was it?" I gave him a vague stare.

"I admit it... but ...but I ...I can't help it. I never meant for this to happen I never...thought I would fall in love with a patient...But I can't help it". Ashamed with myself I just told him. I had to. I couldn't hide it anymore...".I know, it's pretty crazy..."

He interrupted me as he knelt down to my level shaking his head. He seemed rather aggravated when I mentioned the word 'crazy'.

"No ...It's not..."It's not crazy. I wouldn't call it that at all..." He took my face firmly in his hands, his jaw tight and his eyes gleaming. He saw after I blurted my secret out I was pretty emotional. "... It's only natural...We both knew something like this was bound ...to happen...hm". He said as if he was trying to make me feel better-like cared for me.I nodded . I could feel my eyes whelming up. I looked away to keep my tears in." C'mere...Look at me". I looked up at him as he tightly held me by the sides of my jaw line and started to stroke my cheek with his thumb. Aggressively he held me in right up close to him.

" Me and you...were...not that much different...you know that? Were both...as lonely as each other". Again his lips smacked against each other ".And the truth is you need me... as much as I need you...we're a perfect match don't you think?... Let's face it we...we do make a cute couple... "He stated in a tongue and cheek his expression was firm."But as long as were both in Arkham...me and you...are never going to get anything we want...After all how can you expect to fix other people...when you need fixing yourself...Now if ...if...we stick together...you and me we can get out of here ...Just think...There won't be any more interruptions...no more barricades between us...No more of these papers...which quite frankly don't mean anything...there not getting you anywhere. What's the point? As he snatched the papers and notes off the table with one hand presenting them to me, furiously shaking them, he carelessly chucked them into the air behind his shoulder, like a piece of trash. I tried to look away but he tugged me back to face him, tangling his other hand through my hair to the back of my neck. Once the sound of the last piece of paper hit the floor he took a deep breath, to calm down. His tone turned softer

"...You... won't have to hide anymore...You can join me. There's nothing stopping us...what...what have we got to lose?"I had nothing to lose. I can't deny it. I wouldn't have to hide my love for him. We could be free. ."it all comes down to a choice... You just have to make it...It's that simple" He then grabbed the side of my blonde hair and gently pulled my head even closer till out foreheads were almost touching. Close enough for me to see the defined cracks and creases through his white, painted skin and the damaged open cuts on the side of his mouth. Then he grinned and let out a breathy laugh."You...you can be... my very own ...Harlequin" His cleverness amazed me. It all seemed planned out. He even gave me a proper nickname."So... what do y'a say?" He quietly, temptingly asked in a serious tone as we held each other's gaze.

Hopelessly I melted into his strong grasp he had hold of me. I listened to every word he said. It all made perfect sense. He's right. We are a perfect match. We belong together. This is my real chance to fix my pudding, by giving him what he wants I have to get him out of here. He needs my help as much as I need his. I finally found someone who understands me. Who likes me. Who wants to be with me. I de have to be dumb to pass that up. It's what every girl wants. We both have to get out. It's for the best

"Do you really mean it?" I asked innocently. Of course I believe him but I just wanted to hear him say it all over again.

He looked at me, those dark eyes watching me, always watching me.

"Oh..."he said softly. "You should know by now, Harleen...I am a man of my word..." He trailed off slowly, his gaze dropping to my lips.

It felt like the scene in a movie where the two forbidden lovers are about to kiss. Unfortunately before that happened and before he was about to reply the stupid security officers came barging in. I sat there frozen as he just kept staring, holding me. The guards tugged him off shouting at him to release me.

"She came onto me! hehehehehaha" .His laughter echoed through the room as they dragged him away. I sat there in shock-well I am still in shock about his offering. "Looking forward to our next date Doc". The door slammed shut. Overwhelmed at what just happened sat and bit my nail, over thinking all the things he said. I couldn't help but smile. So that was the end of today's session. Can you believe it?! I knew he liked me. He may even Love me...I mean he wouldn't of said those things unless he didn't. I'm getting all giddy just thinking about it. I've finally found someone who wants me.-for me. He said himself he's lonely. Maybe I should write to him. After what the guards have just seen It wont surprise me if doctor Arkham starts getting on my case. They can't know. No one must no. Otherwise they-they'll take my pudd'n away from me. I should write to him. It's the safest way. Hopefully tomorrow. I'll get to see him but all I know is today Mr J made me open up. No one's ever done that before. He makes e feel special, wanted...Loved. And I thank him for that. He finally made me realise there are good guys out there in the world. They are just who you least expect them to be. I guess in a way I've already achieved what I came here to do, because I've finally found my good guy. I've finally found the true joker.


End file.
